In part 1, I explained that God's power evident to me on Saturday was, on one hand, gentle. On the other hand, God's power was humbling as well.

I read manuscripts all the time at my job about people sensing God's presence. To be honest, I've heard it so much, that stories similar to what I'm sharing have sometimes lost their full meaning to me. I think I've become somewhat desensitized to the powerful way God can make Himself known in people's lives. So as I was sensing God's presence, I was so grateful and at the same time so apologetic, feeling undeserving to be near Him.

This portion of my ride with God was confession. I was reminded by His Holy Spirit that I am quick to think of God as an easy-to-hang-out-with deity. And He is. Yet the key word is deity. No matter how casually I approach Him most of the time, He is almighty, all-powerful GOD! I need to be humbled before Him and recognize who He is -- all that I can comprehend about Him and all the mystery that I cannot comprehend. I need to approach Him with reverence and awe.

Tears came as I allowed myself to fully feel the weight of my sin. One of my biggest stumbling block is the way that I feel so self-righteous at times, thinking that my sins aren't as "bad" as others and not really needing "that much" of God's grace. What a ridiculous thought pattern! "Not that much" of God's grace? As if there are levels of His suffering -- that He somehow only took perhaps one nail for me and the rest of the pain was reserved for "worse sinners"?

No, I was reminded in full force that I need every drop of blood that was shed. Sin of any and all kind separates me from a relationship with God. When I seek His forgiveness, I need to stop and remember what my "please forgive me" request really cost. What is easy for me to say was not easy for Jesus.

I was also humbled by my selfishness. Before Kaelyn was born, I prayed that her birth would force me, as a mom, to think beyond my own wants and desires. And that does happen at times. But I still slip into old patterns of self-centeredness. I do this especially with Steve. He may see my best, but he also sees my worst. Such is marriage! So God and I had a long talk about selfishness and the many places it's at the root of my problems.

All in all, I felt my burdens lifted that night. It felt good. And it made me realize how important it is for me to be that honest, that bare, before God. I need to do so more often.

Now if I was a good storyteller, I'd end there, with a "happily ever after" type feeling. But then I would not be an honest person. I must tell you that as great as Saturday night was, Sunday evening was the pits. I had a cranky baby on my hands, and the afternoon had put me in a foul mood. No excuse, I know! But I allowed my crankiness to enter into my being, and I said and did some really selfish things that evening, aimed in Steve's general direction.

I was so angry with myself afterward! How could I not even go 24 hours after confessing my selfishness to God before I was knee deep in it again? My perfectionist side thought I'd at least "conquer" such sin for a day!

Such a reminder that God's grace is always necessary, and I will always be a sinner. I may grow and strive, but I'll never be able to let my guard down. And I'll never be able to do it on my own. Good thing His compassionate mercy is new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-26).

There is something powerful when you can truly say you had an encounter with God.

I can recall a few times in my life when I specifically sensed God's presence by my side, in me, around me. I know there are probably many more "ordinary" moments when I either don't sit still enough to recognize His presence or simply take it for granted. So that makes the times when He does get my attention even more special. I ask Him to please do so more often, for I am a failed human being who needs constant reminders of His power. (My prayer is literally, "God, please whack me upside the head when You need to get my attention." That's really what I pray!)

His power is what I sensed on Saturday night as I drove back from Lexington. On the one hand, His power was gentle, as I felt Him accompanying Kaelyn and I on our drive home. Kaelyn had moments of fussiness on the 1 1/2 hour drive. On the way to Lexington that morning, I had pulled over at a rest stop when she cried and fed her with no hesitations. But there was something more intimidating about stopping to feed her at night. So I prayed that God would give her rest and give us a peaceful drive. She had two times of crying, but both times God provided comfort to her so she slept again and comfort to me, knowing that He was with us. I felt as if He was riding right in the car with us!

What an amazing God that He would promise to be present with every believer in such a personal way. A huge God caring about every single human being. Unfathomable!

During those minutes (that seemed like hours!) while Kaelyn was crying, I realized something: my heart broke for her to hear her cry, knowing that I was in the front seat and not back there to comfort her. Yet I also knew that she was really OK and just tired and that if she let herself, she could be calmed enough to get to sleep. I knew she was in no real trouble. Yet how does it break God's heart to hear the cries of people who are in real trouble?

I tried to imagine the pain God must see on a daily basis where innocent young lives are abused and cannot stop the abuser, where elderly people are neglected and can do nothing to change their situations, and where others cry out because they are not whole and they do not know the One who can fill them. How God's heart must break to hear their cries. I prayed for God's gentle, comforting power to be present in those lives.

[As I see that my thoughts were longer than originally intended (as usual!) I will put these next ones in another post to break things up for you, dear reader! ; ) ]

I like my job! Not everyone can say that, so I feel truly blessed. God has given me certain skills, and I want to use them for His glory. Editing ENCOUNTER--The Magazine, I get to use those skills to help teens connect with God in a deeper way.

As an editor, I have the opportunity to come into contact with terrific writers who can put thoughts about God and life into articulate terms. Just by working on ENCOUNTER, I grow as a Christian. I get to see other people's creative thoughts, inspired by God's word and Spirit, and as I proofread, I gain from the process. At the same time, I hope and pray that there will be teens who later pick up the magazine and connect as well.

I also enjoy the times when I get to help some not-so-great writers. When I see people with awesome ideas who may not know just the right way to put them on paper, I have a great time coming alongside and trying to bring out the best in them. I never realized that would be such a gratifying experience! I used to think being an editor just meant that I was a picky person, but I can step back and see a higher calling -- I am there to bring out the best in a writer and through that work, call out to teen readers in the best way possible.

I came to a realization over a year or so ago that I like doing the same thing in life. I enjoy listening to people and being there as they work through situations. I might not always have a solution, but I try to be there with them in the journey and give any help that I can. There is a joy when I discover that God may have used me to help to bring out the best in that person. In doing so, I become an editor of life! I take no credit on my own (because I usually don't even remember what I did to help!) but realize that God can use someone as flawed as me to do something on this earth for Him.

Praise God for working through (and despite!) imperfect people.