My first day of kindergarten

My stomach was in knots. I was a little short of breath. And my heart raced inside me.

It was the first day of kindergarten.

No, this isn't some distant memory I recall from my own childhood. This actually happened Tuesday. And no, technically it wasn't MY first day of kindergarten. It was my first day as a mom of a kindergartner. And I survived!

I used to shake my head in wonder at parents who expressed such stress or apprehension over their child going to school. What is the big deal? I wondered. I figured I would be skipping all the way, happy to drop off my child and have more "me" time.

But something changed.

Somewhere along the way, I went from a woman who wasn't quite sure I wanted kids (I can't control their every move? they'll have free will and may rebel against me? I'll get a pet, thank you.) to a person who can't wait to see a little girl's smile and feel her hug every morning. I've become a mom who, at random and unexplained times, can cry at the drop of a hat or a tug-at-the-heartstrings sappy commercial, whichever comes first.

What I thought I'd be and what I thought I'd want has changed. (Of course, those things have probably been readjusting themselves from the moment I met my dear and entertaining husband, so I shouldn't expect otherwise.) All in all, I'm OK with that.

So this summer, I tended to put off dreary things like laundry and cleaning, and even nice things like blogging and emails, so that I could squeeze out every drop of time this summer had to offer. Because I knew when August 16 began, our world would change.

We had an AMAZING summer. Not one huge thing but a ton of small moments, etched together to form a picture of joy. I was intentional, and that made all the difference. I hope I learn something and continue to be intentional with each of my family and friend relationships. And I have Steve to thank for working so hard to allow me home time with Kaelyn.

Yes, having some more time to do some things will be a positive of the whole thing. And eventually it will all become routine—once I establish a routine and it's not all so new. As I see how Kaelyn is growing from her time with new friends and great teachers, learning things beyond my skill set (ex: German), I will feel even better about this whole thing. (She's already had great stories to tell!)

For now, I'll miss my little helper as I go about my day. I'll continue to figure out what else I want to be when I grow up and what needs I can fill for our church and others in this new weekly schedule.

And I'll start finding out all the joys that come in seeing a little girl become a little bigger and a little more independent kindergarten girl.